Four Crossed Logs: My adult life: Chaos topped with sprinkles of success

College seemed like a great idea when I started the journey 15 years ago. I always assumed I would attend college when I grew up. I was a creative, outgoing and smart kid. I had two older brothers, and the least I could do to get attention was to be really good at something. The only way I was ever going to afford college was to get a scholarship or pay my own way. It was a minor setback, so I started working at a local restaurant when I was 16.

As a teenager, waiting tables was an eye-opening experience. I was paid $2.15 per hour plus measly tips, and I always worked the least busy shift of the day. I would stand in the restaurant sweeping after a long shift watching all of my friends drive down the street to watch a movie on a Saturday night. Experiences like that began the foundation of what I believe is a strong work ethic.

I graduated high school in June 2000. I had been accepted to the two schools I applied to. One was 15 minutes from home, and the other was five hours away. I didn’t qualify for any grants, and my parents said student loans weren’t such a great idea. They just couldn’t afford to put a second kid through college at the time.

“I think you should get a more stable job, stay here at home, and start at the community college,” my father said. “You could build your savings and make a sound decision about what you want to do next.”

I took the final semester of high school to make a decision that would impact the rest of my life. I decided I would go to school closer to home and follow my father’s advice. As graduation drew near, though, I decided I wanted to move somewhere else and try to experience life on my own. I met with my parents one night after dinner and told them I decided I was moving to Austin, Texas. I would live with another friend who was moving there until I got on my feet and I would start school the following spring. The look of fear washed over my mom’s face.

“We will support your decision to move and have this time for yourself, but it’s on you to come up with rent and living expenses,” my mom said. “We will help you move up there, but the rest is on you.”

It was the first time I was really terrified about anything. That’s a feeling I would revisit again over the next few years. I moved five times during my first year in Austin, lived in my car for a few days between places and learned what trust was. Life wasn’t always scary, there was also a lot of excitement. I would feel a combination of both before countless interviews, dates, and inspections of my work.

I started college for the first time in January 2001. I took two classes and quit halfway through the semester. I didn’t have anyone to hold me accountable, and I hadn’t learned how to manage my time properly between work, school, and living life as a young adult in the Live Music Capital of the World. I worked a few different jobs and in 2001 I started working full time for a large retail company. It was my main focus for 12 years. In 2007, I decided it would be a good time to go back to school, so I started part time at the local community college. I was able to really appreciate what I was learning, and I think some of that was because I was paying for it myself.

In 2011, I met my future husband and we moved to Georgia to start another adventure. Between 2012 and 2015, I attended five different colleges in four states. It was quite a struggle and in July 2015, we added a baby into the mix. I have lived most of my life as a woman of faith, but I have always known that faith alone wasn’t going to get me through. I had to work hard and prioritize my time to balance being a wife, a mother and a full-time student.

Life is nothing short of chaotic these days. I often think about how different my life would have been if I had taken the path of least resistance. There are times that I think sleeping in my car could feel like a luxurious vacation. It’s been quite the rollercoaster, and at times I have thought about throwing in the towel. When I think about the fact that after this semester I will only have six hours left until I graduate, I’m almost sad about it. It might be because school has been part of my routine for so long. I know some of it is because I’m terrified about what’s next for me. The decisions I made during my senior year of high school only affected me, and now I have a family, a mortgage and actual responsibilities.

I want to be successful during the next chapter of my life, and I hope that my hard work will guide me into becoming the best version of myself. One day when my daughter is 17, and we are sitting across the dinner table from her, I can list a thousand reasons why she should stay or at least be able to pay for her college as a bribe to keep her closer to home.