Working with kids and why I still want them

When most people talk about their aspirations for the future, they seem to have some pretty incredible goals, such as world travel, starting their own business, earning a Ph.D., winning the lottery or being somebody other than the average Joe. And while all of these goals are great, I myself have never really had any stellar dreams or aspirations like that for myself – besides winning the lottery of course, that would be okay. My greatest hopes and desires, for as long as I can remember, have been a little bit more personal and simple. My dreams are to be a husband and a father.

Getting married and having kids seems like the norm for most people. Some people decide they have explored the world and everything in it long enough, and their next best option is to finally settle down. To me, to be a husband and a father would mean everything in the world. I don’t need to travel the world or to earn a Ph.D. or to go above and beyond to fulfill myself and deem myself a successful person. It’s the simple things in life I crave the most.

I have claimed several titles in my life, such as son, grandson, brother, friend, cousin and nephew, but to have the title of husband would make me the happiest living soul on Earth. And to be somebody’s dad – I get pretty emotional and excited to think that someone like me can actually be a father – would be the greatest gift I could ever ask for.
   

For more than two years, I have worked for the Bay Base program at Bay District Schools. Bay Base is an after-school program for Bay County elementary students from ages 4 to 12. The program also offers childcare during the summer break and school holidays.

My position title is the Community Aide, and I have been working at Deer Point Elementary, while switching to Tommy Smith Elementary during every other summer and holiday cluster days.

Everyone seems to have their own opinion on children, whether they have children of their own or not, or whether they like children or not. I don’t have children of my own, and my viewpoint on children hasn’t really changed much since I’ve been working with them like most would think. I know a lot of people who are simply terrified of kids, scared of the nonstop bickering, fighting and screaming. I can understand that; anyone in their right mind would be apprehensive about that. You really have to learn how to handle all the chaos, and it’s not for everyone. I have people tell me — sometimes it’s the parents of the kids I watch — how they don’t know how I handle the chaos the job brings. Many parents tell me working with children is the perfect birth control; they simply see the one to five minutes of unrelenting pandemonium they can be and it’s enough for them to pity me and my coworkers. The stress gets to me sometimes, as it does to all of us, but I work with some amazing people who are professionals and have mastered the stress that comes with the job. They have been so patient with me on my bad days and have taught me how to handle my own. It’s just assumed I work with kids, therefore, I’m supposed to hate them all and to never want any of my own. This is not true.

Sometimes I am warned by parents to never have children. I really don’t like hearing such things like this, because to me it sounds like your kids drive you so insane to the point where you are wishing you hadn’t had them in the first place. Are they really that huge a burden on you? But the thing that really tears me a part are the children who grow up without a parent. For whatever reason, the parents don’t want anything to do with their children, so they leave. I can’t recall all of the children I have met who are growing up with only one parent or no parents at all. All I can say is God bless those stepmothers, stepfathers and grandparents who have stepped up and claimed ownership of these children and love them as if they are their own.  

My work days consist of nearly the same thing every day, which is to basically be a hawk and always watch the kids and make sure no one’s getting hurt, no one’s being bullied and no one’s got their finger half-way up their nose. As I see it, I’m there to keep the kids in line and to keep them entertained. I am also to be more than just a drill sergeant who has to yell and scream to communicate; and sometimes, that is the only way. I don’t like to use my “parent” voice — or how I typically call it, my “Mean Mr. Cory voice” — but when the occasion calls for it, I do what I have to do. Most of the time I am the big softy and tend to be a little more lenient than most staff, which doesn’t help when I need to be serious and stern. But that’s how I see myself as a dad, fun but firm, that’s basically how my dad was when I was growing up. There does come a time when I’ve been the nice guy for too long and they start to think they can get away with anything around me because I tend to be a little bit more easy-going than most. That’s when I lay down my foot and get ugly. It’s not to be the bad guy; it’s to make them understand I am an adult too and I need the same respect as the other staff members.

Some of the most fun I have with the kids are times where I get to interact with them, not the times when I have to make them sit down and be quiet, but when I get to play games with them or just be silly with them. I have always loved to go outside and play, especially sports, and it’s so fulfilling to see children drop the iPads and the Gameboys and be excited about playing outside like children did before modern technology took over. The most time I ever spend with my boys is when we go outside to play football or kickball. While we’re out playing, they don’t see me as an adult; they just see me as another kid having fun like they are. Some of the games we play get pretty intense and tempers flare, but I blame that on that most boys can be hotheads and arrogance, then I have to be an adult again and break up the commotion, but most of the time we just have fun. Even when they start “trash talking” me it’s still fun. I get called all sorts of names: Booger Brain, Poop Head, Grandpa, Tooth Fairy, Captain Poo Face; but it’s all fun and games, because I know how to dish the “insults” right back at them. Other good times I spend with my boys, is when we’re playing video games. Yes, I do prefer if we’re outside playing, but sometimes playing a non-violent video game is just as fun. I always have a blast watching them play on the Wii or the Xbox 360 and it’s such a blessing to me for them to want me to play with them. Of course I don’t go easy on them as I should; why let them win on purpose? so they think they’ll be handed things in life? I teach them how to play fair and how to share and I can see how it’s starting to come into effect in other aspects of their lives. They are learning to share and respect others while playing with toys or if they’re outside playing; I am so proud to see the lessons I try to teach them actually applied in these other areas.

In the time that I’ve been with Bay Base and Bay District Schools I have met a lot of really interesting and unique children that have really left their mark on me – some actually leaving physical marks, like bruises, the little punks. I have had the pleasure of working with some simply amazing children, that when I think of what I want my future kids to be like I look to them as examples. And while I try not to pick any favorites, I tend to allow the girls to get away with more than the boys. I’m a sucker for a pretty face, sue me!

While I have always wanted children, I have never really wanted any girls though, for several valid reasons:

1. Girls tend to be a little bit more work, in my opinion. There’s the mood swings, the girly clothes, toys, and makeup, the fact that they’ll never win me a Heisman trophy, but the worst thing about having a girl, is the boys that she’ll attract. I already know how boys are, I am one, and none of them are any good, including me. I already have to deal with my little sister and boys, that’s stressful enough, but to see my daughter(s) go through the boy drama; I don’t think I am strong enough for that. For starters, no boy will ever be good enough for a daughter of mine, as no boy will ever be good enough for my sister; it’s just the simple facts. And when one of these hairy legged boys hurts one of my girls in any form or fashion I’m going to want to hurt him back. I have always wanted to use the line a great man once said (my father), “whatever you do to her, I’ll do to you, and don’t worry I don’t mind going back to prison.” 
2. I’ll be way too protective of a girl than I would a boy, and that’s not fair to her. I would never want my daughter to ever leave the house. I’d want her to be homeschooled and only leave the house for church and I can always persuade the pastor to come to the house. The world that I grew up in was a dark and evil place for me, I can’t even begin to comprehend the mess my little girl could get into in the world now; there’s danger around every corner. I would be a worried wreck if she ever went out, even if it was to hang out with friends; it would be the longest night of my life. 
3. I would give in to a daughter more than I would a son. I would spoil her rotten. “Daddy, I need $100,” DONE! “Daddy, I want to drive your new Corvette,” DONE! “Daddy, since you love me more, I deserve more presents for Christmas,” DONE! Seriously, I wouldn’t know self-control if it fell out of the sky, landed on my face, and started to do the Macarena. 

I don’t know how fathers do it. I also don’t know how they let their daughters go out and do the things they do. They all need a GPS tracker implanted into them once they’re born. But you know working with some of the girls, most of these girls, its making me want a daughter of my own, especially when I see or hear that they have to grow up without a father. That just breaks my heart to see any child grow up with a father, especially when the scumbag doesn’t want anything to do with them in the first place. These little girls have been such a blessing to me that they have truly changed this stubborn heart of mine and may have convinced me that having a daughter wouldn’t be so bad. I will always treasure them and love them like they’re my own. My girls are simply the best. I’ll play Barbie’s, Littlest Pet Shop, or a variety of games with my little ones. I’ll sit and color with my first and second graders, and I’ll actually have heart-to-heart conversations with my older girls. It simply amazes me how smart they all are. I try to make a special bond with each girl under my care, especially the timid ones – there are always shy ones.

The worst days are the last week of school. This is when my fifth graders are leaving elementary school behind and looking to start their new life in middle school. I’ve been through this three times, and each time it gets harder and harder to say good bye. I’m not even gonna lie, I get a little too emotional saying good bye, even with my boys. If they’re not too ashamed to hug me one last time, I usually hug them, tell them to be good and have fun in middle school. It’s just so mind-blowing to see these kids every day during the school year, and then they’re just gone. Now sometimes I see them out in public and all these crazy emotions come back, especially when they rush up to me to tell me all about what’s happening in their lives. I love to hear about what they’ve been up to and all the fun they’ve had beyond elementary school. They’ll never know how much they’ve impacted my life.

Quite honestly, I don’t care what people may say about kids, good or bad. I know not all kids are terrible and there are actually good ones. In my opinion, if your kid acts like a beast it’s because you aren’t being the parent, you’re the problem, not them. And if you are skeptical about having children, then maybe that’s something you need to pray about and meditate on. It’s so easy for me to say, I know, but I’ve been around kids long enough to know the ones who are raised right and the ones who have no respect for others, adults, or themselves. I know what kind of father I want to be and I’m sure I’ll learn better once I actually become one, but I welcome the challenges that lie ahead. If God blesses me with one child – boy or girl, I will be satisfied, if I am to have five girls – I will consider it a blessing, or if I have two boys and one girl like I dream of having – I will be blessed. Being a father isn’t something that I’ll take lightly. I will be 100 percent committed to raising my kids the right way, and I will always be there for them and to love them unconditionally above all else.

— Cory Morris

Four Crossed Logs intern

professional communication major